Tainted Love
by crc2010
Summary: James thinks of his past relationship with Kendall and how he ruined their relationship. VERY DARK. IMPLIED SLASH. KENDALL/JAMES. KAMES. IMPLIED KOGAN KEDALL/LOGAN . IMPLIED CHARACTER DEATH. RATED T BECAUSE I'M A WORRY WART.


_**First, thank you all for the positive feedback on "One More Knight." I know it has only a few reviews at this time, but I have accumulated a lot of views from that story, and I have noticed several of you added it (and me) to your favorites and subscriptions. You guys are amazing, if it weren't for y'all I probably wouldn't be motivated to write.**_

_**Second, I really, really want my skill in writing to be its best, and I am working super hard on the plotting for "Sweet Serendipity." I want to actually finish it without fail. So while I work on the first chapter of that, as well as the plotting, I'll be cramming out a lot of one-shots and drabbles to get better. So be prepared for a lot of BTR stories. Mostly Kames centric, as they are my absolute favorite pairing and there is simply never enough of these stories out there. I may mix it up once in a while but I doubt it. **_

_**Thirdly, this oneshot is based like the one before (though they are not related in any way). I basically got inspiration from "Like We Used To" by A Rocket to the Moon and I recommend listening to the song to help set the mood of the story. I had the song on repeat through the duration of the writing process, so it fits as a bit of a one-track soundtrack for the prompt. Okay, enough babbling. Let's just get on with the story.**_

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BIG TIME RUSH, I DO NOT OWN THE SONG "Like We Used To." AND I DO NOT PROFIT FROM THIS STORY. HOWEVER, THIS STORY IS COPYRIGHTED AND OWNED BY ME, ANY DISTRIBUTION(IN ANY FORM) OR UPLOADS TO ANY SITE OF THIS STORY IN WHICH I AM NOT CREDITED IS PLAGIARISM, WHICH IS ILLEGAL (so don't do it.)**

**TITLE: **"Tainted Love"

**FANDOM: **Big Time Rush

**PAIRING: **Kendall/James(Implied) Kendall/Logan (KAMES/KOGAN)

**DESCRIPTION: **James thinks of his past relationship with Kendall and how he ruined their relationship.

**REFERENCE: **"Like We Used To" - A Rocket to the Moon. Though the song and lyrics are never presented in the prompt, it is what the entire story is centered around and brought forth the inspiration so I would like to give credit to it.

James checked his reflection in the sun-visor mirror of his car, noting his bloodshot eyes and lifeless, dull hair. He just hasn't been himself since his break up with Kendall. To say he was devastated from the break would be an understatement. He had been with several girls, but they were just there. They didn't touch his heart or bring him emotion. Kendall did. He loved Kendall for a long time, longer than he could remember. He had been so nervous to lay it all on the line that night.

_He had just gotten a new car and Kendall asked for a ride in it. James happily agreed, because spending time with Kendall as a friend was better than having no contact at all, though he wished with all his heart for more. They for over an hour before stopping at a secluded lake. The moon casted it's reflection over the peaceful spring and James felt at peace in his heart._

_Kendall was discussing a new hockey play, and James pretended to listen. He was really thinking how beautiful the blonde looked in the moonlight. He focused in on the smaller boy's pink lips. He imagined kissing them, and became lost in a daydream about making out with him._

"_James? Hello? Earth to James!" The blonde nudged James and cocked his head to the side. "Anyone in there?"_

_James shook his head and returned to reality. "What? Sorry, I was...err...distracted." He felt his cheeks flush and cursed himself silently for getting caught daydreaming._

"_I'll say, you were staring at me for a few minutes. I thought you were really into the play until I stopped and you kept staring." Kendall let out a soft chuckle. "What were you thinking?"_

_James couldn't hold it in anymore. He had to let Kendall know how he felt. This secret was too big of a burden to hold inside. Believing actions speak louder than words, James simply leaned in and closed his eyes. He cupped the blonde's face before bringing their lips together in a soft kiss, and Kendall kissed him back._

James let out a deep, rugged sigh and fought back tears as he thought about the memory. The memory that was burned into his skull and was on repeat everyday since the breakup. He and Kendall became a couple after that kiss, and his world couldn't have been better. That is until Logan stepped in.

Logan was in Kendall's music class, and all Kendall could talk about to James. James instantly disliked Logan as Kendall became more and more infatuated with his friendship with the boy. James could feel Kendall slowly drifting away from him, and into the arms of the other boy.

Filled with jealousy and fear of losing Kendall, James became very bossy and controlling. He told Kendall that he was forbidden to have contact with Logan. He became Kendall's closet, approving what he could wear to school, particularly what he could wear to music class. He began to monitor Kendall's phone, and had spies watch Kendall closely to ensure the boy didn't stray from him.

He hadn't meant to be overbearing or ruling. He just didn't want to lose Kendall. He loved him so much that he would do anything in his power to ensure that they would stay together forever. He convinced himself that what he was doing was for the best. If he would have been rational, he would have realized that what he was doing was wrong and pushed Kendall farther away.

They began to fight. Kendall would wear something James didn't approve or would get caught talking or even looking in Logan's direction. They would often get in screaming matches that would end with Kendall in tears and James in , Kendall had enough of James' demands and left the boy.

"_That's it James. I have had enough. I loved you, I really loved you. But you have turned into an absolute monster. The jealousy and bossiness is too much. I can't even remember why I had fallen for you in the first place. I'm done James. We're done. Don't contact me and make this any harder for you. I'm not coming back, you had your chance and you blew it." Kendall said the words calmly before walking out the door and never looked back since._

Tears began to fall from James' eyes as he remembered the last thing Kendall ever said to him. He didn't know how he could push someone he loved so much so far away from him. He blamed Logan. Had Logan not of befriended Kendall, then James would have never became so overpowering and demanding. They would have never fought, and they would be together now.

James knew in his heart that he and Kendall would still be together. He would be planning a proposal, and imagining a life with Kendall as he often did. They would talk about the child they would adopt from a rescue reserve, and their big house. They would discuss what song would be played at their wedding, and practice their dance.

Now, Kendall was doing all those things with Logan. He was laughing with him. He was holding him close. He was telling him how much he loved the other boy. He was giving him his kisses. He took his heart back from James and gave it to Logan. They were planning a wedding. They were thinking about what song they would play. They practiced dancing. Like he and James once had.

The tears continued to fall and James reached into the glove box. He pulled out his sleeping pills and swallowed several. He left the note he had written Kendall on Kendall's door.

_Kendall,_

_I'm so sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I truly did it out of love. I loved you so much that I would do anything in my power to keep you. Even if that meant becoming a boss, rather than a companion. I think about you everyday, Kenny. My heart is shattered, and I can't let it attempt to beat any longer. I just wanted to tell you goodbye. I hope to see you again a long time from now. A time in which you have lived a long, beautiful life while mine ended in a short time. I love you Kendall Knight, and I always will._

_Jamie_

Kendall was probably reading it now, and it would be too late. James knew there was no turning back now, he felt the pills kick in. James stared at the lake and began to drift to sleep. A long, permanent sleep.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, the song isn't as dark as the story. I don't know how it got so dark and suicidal. In my original plan, I was going to have them at a party and in the end James settled on a new guy. But, as I kept typing James told me another story. I know that he was OOC, but I really like the outcome of this story as a whole. Though I really don't like the ending. I just can't change it though, the story wouldn't be the same if I did. I hope you enjoyed it, though it was very sad. Also, I would listen to "All That I'm Living For" by Evanescence as well.


End file.
